Dear Mr.Augustus Waters...

Dear Augustus Waters,
I am sorry that you lost your life to your cancerous body.
I thought I was gonna be the grenade, I never thought you would be a grenade. 
You granted me a wish by using your free wish, you showed me how my breathe can be taken away in a good way, and best of all you made me fall in love with you. ( I mean that in the sweetest way it can be said!!)
This condolence letter will probably never get to you considering you are not on this earth, but nevertheless I am writing you this condolence letter in response to the letter you sent Mr. Peter Van Houten before you died.
Augustus Waters, for you to come up with ideas about a eulogy for me, so that in some way you can be part of my funeral is a sweet gesture, however I would have preferred you over Old Man Houten, any day of the week!  What you wrote seemed so perfect to me. It felt as if you never missed a beat. You cared, and not because I was dealing with the side effect of dieing, but because you actually liked and cared for me as a person.
I need to talk to you! I miss you so much!!! I cry often and  I wish I could call you just to hear your voice all the time, and even though you aren't there I remind myself that you even though you are gone I will always remember you through the love we shared! You will always be in my heart!

With all my love! Yours forever,

       Hazel Grace
P.S. Here's a picture to help you remember me and our first date!

Hazel Grace ready for Amsterdam!

Dear Diary,

Well this is kind of a trial thing for a couple days to see if I can clear my head up, because I can't seem to get Gus off my mind. He is such a great guy! He is cute, funny, makes me feel like I don't have a disease and talks with me about anything.
Well we are able to go on this trip to visit the greatest author of all time! Peter Van Houten!!!!! Well I really don't know how it happened, but everything is going pretty good. Besides the fact I went to the ICU the other night because my lungs were so full of fluid from the lung cancer drugs... I think it was the drugs, I don't know really. Mom knows a lot about my condition, way more than I do. I do what I am told just as long as mom is happy and I ain't doing too bad. I am just living my life. Amsterdam to meet Mr. Peter Van Houten will make it all the more better!!! Then is when I will be able to ask him about what really happens to Anna and the Dutch Tulip Man and the hamster, Sisyphus!
Peter Van Houten, was brilliant to just stop the book in the middle of a sentence, it's like a huge cliff hanger and makes you want oh so much more!!!!!

For now 'til the attempt of tomorrow's diary entry,
Hazel Grace Lancaster


 Oh Amsterdam!!!!

The Fault In Our Stars!

The book I am reading is called, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. At the beginning of the book the girl is the narrator, and she begins to tell us about what her life was like, in the "winter of her 17th year". She has cancer and her parents decided that she was acting depressed, so her mother encouraged her to go to a weekly support group. It was there Hazel Grace Lancaster, the narrator, met a boy, Augustus Waters( A.K.A. Gus).  Then the story goes on about the two of them and their complications, his being a survivor of osteosarcoma, and he lost his right leg to it, so driving with him, for Hazel Grace is... jolting. 

Dear Journal,
Tonight I went to a cancer support group thing with my best bud Isaac and the people there were interesting. You have the one's who are dealing with having cancer and just trying to live their lives as normally as they can, you have those who are trying to help others get through the tough times, by sharing their stories.... repeatedly even though they have survived the cancer, and then you have Hazel Grace. Well let me tell you something... that girl... scratch that, WOMAN, is amazing. She is brilliant in the way she talks, she is beautiful, she is so full of insight it makes you wonder if she ever gives her brain a break besides sleep, and there is just something about her that makes me smile, besides the fact that she reminds me of Natalie Portman in the movie V for Vendetta.
 
Well tonight after the support group I brought Hazel Grace home with me to watch V for Vendetta because she had never seen it and I wanted to hang out with her some more to get to know her better. Before the movie I brought her downstairs and showed her the basement and let her borrow that book that was a novel of my favorite video game, The Price of Dawn. She suggested I read a book called An Imperial Affliction, her all time favorite book by Peter Van Houten. I just hope she finishes reading the book I gave to her, because that is when she said we could hang out again.  Hopefully that's soon! :)      

Me again,
Gus

My Favorite things!!! (when I was little)

1. My brothers
2. Toby, my dog
3. The "King/ Queen of the Hill" tires
4. Video Games
5. G.I. Joes

Most little girls my age like to play dress up, they like pink, they like barbies, and worst of all they are afraid of a lot of things. I ain't afraid of anything. I am a Tom Boy and proud of it! I may have liked barbies before, but that was when I was five, I am six now and I wanna hang out with my brothers more! They always seem to be having so much fun! They are laughing and smiling all the time when they are together... why won't they let me play with them? I am a girl... that's the reason. So you know what, I am gonna make them hang out with me. I just gotta tell momma they are leaving me out and I want to play video games with them too!!! That will do it! Although having fun with my brothers what about my buddy Toby. He is the bestest dog! I love him so much, he is my best friend forever! He never leaves me out, he always wants to play with me! He is way nicer than my brothers! I'll just have him come with me to play with us.
I really want a G.I. Joe. I know it's a boy toy, but they are so much better than a barbie! They have boats, guns, knives, tanks, and other outfits like SCUBBA GEAR!!!! (the tank and everything!) 
Well momma made them allow me to play the video games with them and it is going pretty well because they haven't yelled at me yet or kicked me out. I like this, some time with my brothers with no fighting or mean comments yet. Ut oh, Stephen wants to play and Calder doesn't want to give up the controller, I think I am gonna go play with Toby.
At school today I made it to the top of the BIG tire! YAY! Queen of the world! These tires we have at school are so awesome, they go from a tiny tire to a little bigger tire and a little bigger tire and so on. Then we get to the monster truck looking sized tire, and go back down to a tiny tire on the other side. It looks like a pyramid from the side! Getting to be Queen of the world by getting on the big tire makes you feel so great! I am so happy right now, I am gonna go tell my brothers how cool their sister is!

    
G.I. Joes and a tank of theirs!





 The tires were lined up side by side like that and stuck into the ground a little more for the smaller tires, but they did go in order from small to large and the biggest tire was in the middle then it declined from that tire to small tired on the other side. So much fun!!!

Oh Mayella Ewell!

 The matter of being prejudice.

                                                               vs.
 Having the right man put into these.


Dear Mayella,
I may be seen as less equal than you white folk, but what you did was wrong. Not only in God's eyes but in the eyes of everyone who knows I am not that kind of a man.
I was sat in front of everyone and degraded by your lawyer, Mr. Gilmer, and he tried to make me seem like a liar. Well he may not have accomplished that but he made sure the jury knew I was less of a person than you Ewells.
 I ain't had no problem with you because you were a person and I hadn't bothered you one bit. I helped you when you asked for it, but that night you kissed me changed my life forever, in the worst way thinkable. People who used to admire my hard work in my one armed way.  Four of us know, the whole truth but only two would tell the real truth, while the other two would lie under oath to protect an abusive drunk. The drunk himself and you lied under oath. That could be brought up against you at anytime in the future, then I would be freed from the clutches of prison and justice will be served.
I forgive you for what you did to me, and I accept who you are because you are a person who is just reaching out. I feel sorry for you being in the position you are. Having to take care of your family while your father goes on in his drunken ways. I hope God himself will help you. May God help you!
           Sincerely,
                 Tom Robinson

A good night with Mom and Dad.

Dear Journal,
                       Daddy is busy, almost all the time. He is an important man in the government, that deals greatly with the army activity, so we rarely get to have supper together.
 Mommy seemed to be under a lot stress tonight.  I have no idea what she was stressed about, but I could sure tell she was because she cleaned the entire house thoroughly... 3 times. Maybe it's because I am going on that trip tomorrow for choir. Did something happen that I don't know about? All I know is that tonight we went out for dinner because tomorrow I leave for the airport and Daddy had some time off to spend with us.
 Daddy was really excited for me when he found out we were gonna go on this trip. He just kept asking all sorts of questions about it, like where exactly we were going, how long were we gonna be there and what would we do when we got there. I have never seen Daddy and Mommy so happy together. Daddy was telling her secrets and holding her hand and she would smile and giggle so often that after awhile I got sick of her constant giggling. After the appetizers Dad started talking to me about the armed forces and if I wanted to join when I got older. The truth is I kinda do and kinda don't. I told Daddy that I didn't know for sure, what would you want me to do Dad. He smiled and said that in time we will know what would be better suited for me: college, army, or both.
Mommy looked so pretty tonight! Daddy was all dressed up in his uniform, and I had worn my "special occasion" suit. Mommy buys me a new one every year.... unless I grow between those times. It seems like I am getting a new suit every three months considering I hit a growth spurt this summer and continue to grow and grow and grow. Anyway at supper Mommy was all about Daddy and Daddy was paying attention to both her and I.
 
There was something different about him tonight, I haven't quite figured it out, but he was really involved in the time we spent together at the restaurant, and even took us out for ice cream and almost took us to a late drive-in movie, til' Momma reminded him I had a plane to catch in the morning.
One day I hope to grow up and be as tall and powerful as my Dad! He controls exactly how the army reacts to threats and bombs and all sorts of things like that. I will be powerful, one day I could even be PRESIDENT!

My Beastie!

Writing about things that frighten us kinda makes you wonder if people will judge you for what you are afraid of. There are frightening moments all around us all the time. Just some things are more scary to one person then they could be to everybody else.
I am scared of a few things. I ain't a real big scaredy cat either, I just think a lot about the future, and working with elderly folk, I get a new view about things by listening to their stories and seeing what happens to them day by day. Each day a drastic change could happen or may have happened to the residents. This makes me realize how short life really is, and ever single moment is important to remember.
My major fears are that one day I will be incapable of taking care of myself, lose my memory, and thinking people care when they really don't. Then while I am on my final days, I will be gone and no one will notice and life goes on without a single tear shed for me. It is not death that frightens me, its what I think could happen to me when he comes knocking on my door and then takes me away.
- Nowadays you see plenty of people who can't remember little details, dates things are due, or some one's birthday, so forgetting things like that isn't really a big deal, the things I would hate to forget is my entire past, a recent conversation, and/ or something that just happened and everybody knows it happened but you.
- Not being able to care for yourself after doing it for so many years makes you feel as if you are less of a human than those who take care of you or family that comes to visit you. People are stubborn and will try to continue to attempt the things they can't do just because the have hope they can still do them, then they get hurt.
- Everybody has people who care, well then you have doubts that they just pretend to care and then you feel awful about yourself. We always no for sure our family will care, but what about your friends? Do they truly care or just keep you around to use your money, car, or get to know your other friends because they are interested in them? I have my doubts about people so I go on wondering if they care and think about how they could react if I was to die or get severely hurt. Would they be there for me or my family for comfort?
Working around the man, Death, makes you wonder about how you have lived your life. Have you lived your life to the fullest? Just don't care what people think, you are who you are, they are just gonna have to deal with it! I can tell you that one thing is for sure, Death is not the scariest thing to me.